We are a quiverfull family. Most quiverfull families are large, but not all. Most everyone's first concern in having a large family is fincances. My basic answer when someone asks me how many children we plan to have is this: Money just comes and goes, and if God gives us another child, He WILL provide the means to take care of him/her!
When we were first married, I was on a chemical birth control pill for a month. They messed me up so bad emotionally (and who knows what else it did to me!) that Myles took the last one and flushed it down the stool and said "You're NEVER taking those things again!" LOL! It was bad! I was back to my normal self almost immediately.
It was partly that and partly just a gentle conviction after our first was born that we decided not to ever use birth control of any kind ever again (except we are open to considering abstinence, which is the most full-proof! LOL!) Right now Myles is not really wanting any more kids for two reasons; finances and because of all we went through with Jack this last 15 months as well as the pregnancy! I can't blame him for feeling that way, but I do believe, and so does he, that we'll have at least one more child.....we're not done yet! We're both in our mid-30's, so we've got lots more time! :) And even though he says he doesn't want to *try* to have any more right now, we're really not preventing it in any way, so it's just a matter of time, IMO!
I'm sure it's much more difficult for men who are the sole financial providers for their family to really trust that God will provide all his family's needs. I know it seems harsh, but it really comes down to a matter of faith. Once a person realizes that God will indeed always provide for His children, then what other excuse is there? Also I believe that nearly all families could cut back *somewhere* in their lifestyles to be able to "afford" another child or two, but many don't want to give up certain things.
For us the problem is debt. With our house and van as well as a couple of credit cards, we would have another $1200/month if they were all paid off!!! That is a LOT of money for us, especially here in our state, where the cost of living is not very high compared to most places in the US.
I would guess the 2nd reason, at least among Christian families, for limiting the number of children they have is probably the health of one of the parents, usually the mom during pregnancy. My opinion is the same on that.....God will take care of you! Now, I don't believe you can just sit back and eat whatever you want and never exercise, and smoke, drink, etc. and expect perfect health and a perfect baby. I do believe though that everyone can always be healthier. Excess weight gain can be prevented. Gestational diabetes can be prevented. The HELLP syndrome can be prevented! (HELLP is what I had with Jack.) Now, though I do believe this, I also realize that we do not live in a perfect world, and things will happen that are beyond our control, but is that really any reason to say you'll never have another child ever again? You may not have the same problems with the next pregnancy! I know in my situation, I could have eaten much better and prevented HELLP, so I plan to do that next time and have already made improvements in my regular diet. (I ate almost 100% raw vegan the last week before he was born and my obvious symptoms were almost gone and my blood/urine tests were actually better....but still not good, so he was delivered that day.)
I'll shut up now, but that is my 2 cents. :) People with no kids or a limited number are just missing out! Hey! I am entitled to my own "opinion", right? :)
When we were first married, I was on a chemical birth control pill for a month. They messed me up so bad emotionally (and who knows what else it did to me!) that Myles took the last one and flushed it down the stool and said "You're NEVER taking those things again!" LOL! It was bad! I was back to my normal self almost immediately.
It was partly that and partly just a gentle conviction after our first was born that we decided not to ever use birth control of any kind ever again (except we are open to considering abstinence, which is the most full-proof! LOL!) Right now Myles is not really wanting any more kids for two reasons; finances and because of all we went through with Jack this last 15 months as well as the pregnancy! I can't blame him for feeling that way, but I do believe, and so does he, that we'll have at least one more child.....we're not done yet! We're both in our mid-30's, so we've got lots more time! :) And even though he says he doesn't want to *try* to have any more right now, we're really not preventing it in any way, so it's just a matter of time, IMO!
I'm sure it's much more difficult for men who are the sole financial providers for their family to really trust that God will provide all his family's needs. I know it seems harsh, but it really comes down to a matter of faith. Once a person realizes that God will indeed always provide for His children, then what other excuse is there? Also I believe that nearly all families could cut back *somewhere* in their lifestyles to be able to "afford" another child or two, but many don't want to give up certain things.
For us the problem is debt. With our house and van as well as a couple of credit cards, we would have another $1200/month if they were all paid off!!! That is a LOT of money for us, especially here in our state, where the cost of living is not very high compared to most places in the US.
I would guess the 2nd reason, at least among Christian families, for limiting the number of children they have is probably the health of one of the parents, usually the mom during pregnancy. My opinion is the same on that.....God will take care of you! Now, I don't believe you can just sit back and eat whatever you want and never exercise, and smoke, drink, etc. and expect perfect health and a perfect baby. I do believe though that everyone can always be healthier. Excess weight gain can be prevented. Gestational diabetes can be prevented. The HELLP syndrome can be prevented! (HELLP is what I had with Jack.) Now, though I do believe this, I also realize that we do not live in a perfect world, and things will happen that are beyond our control, but is that really any reason to say you'll never have another child ever again? You may not have the same problems with the next pregnancy! I know in my situation, I could have eaten much better and prevented HELLP, so I plan to do that next time and have already made improvements in my regular diet. (I ate almost 100% raw vegan the last week before he was born and my obvious symptoms were almost gone and my blood/urine tests were actually better....but still not good, so he was delivered that day.)
I'll shut up now, but that is my 2 cents. :) People with no kids or a limited number are just missing out! Hey! I am entitled to my own "opinion", right? :)
This is definitely a matter of opinion. We have always let God control how many kids we have, but with this last one it has been a health and emotional roller coaster ride.
ReplyDeletei do feel eace about not having anymore and I never did with the others so I feel sure we are done this time.
I do agree on the finances though. We have cut back in all areas grown a garden (which we are already planning another), VERY limited eating out and never turning down free stuff that is being passed on. There are lots of ways to cut back.
Maybe you need to order up some shirts. :-)
ReplyDeletehttp://gombojav.blogspot.com/2007/04/for-wearing-on-family-outings.html
Daja, I remember reading that post, and I even commented on it (with a different account at the time)! I might just have to order some. Those are great!
ReplyDeleteYou know I am there for you all the way, girl. My faith is in God. My life and delivery are in His hands.
ReplyDeleteLove ya!
Christina
you and I share many similar convictions/beliefs ... another issue is when one parent has certain convictions - and the other doesn't! If you don't discuss these things (thoroughly) before marriage - it can be a real hard subject. I'm basically having to go on the pill - I'm just praying about it's potential affects and the fact that I'm so convicted on b/c and asking in advance for forgiveness, God knows my situation! thanks for sharing your opinion!
ReplyDeleteSasha- have you looked into the nuvaring or IUD? I would do that if I had any reason (I don't produce any hormones now, no hysterectomy)
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't have as many hormones as the pill
Sash, I wanted to say that decisions like this, any decision that affects the whole family, is definitely up to both the husband and the wife, not just one. So I feel for you that you have such strong convictions and want more kids but your husband doesn't understand it or feel the same way. However, I'm sure he loves God and loves you and the kids, and as his wife, you are to be submissive (not passive, but let him lead), so follow your husband on this. God can change his heart. In the meantime, just enjoy all the blessings God has already given you. :)
ReplyDeleteI know you have looked into other alternatives, but there has to be something that doesn't abort babies, although it could be more drastic and permanent? I haven't looked into anything like that (other than abstinence), so I can't help you right now. Don't feel bad though, like I said, follow your husband's lead and just continue to pray for him. I will too! :)
AMEN! There is so much that many families miss out on because they are too busy in pursuit of keeping up with the Jones.' It is so much better for the children to have the extra siblings. They usually get along so much better with others because they are used to not always putting themselves first. I would say that lesson is priceless!
ReplyDeleteI do have to kind of disagree on the health issue. Some people have medical issues they cannot control like heart problems, etc. I feel like it was the right time for me to stop for a couple of reasons. One, I felt like five was enough and two, I felt my body was wearing out from so many pregnancies. I have residual issues now and I can imagine how much worse they would be if I had not stopped.
BTW, there was something I wanted to share with you. I was looking in a medical book a few weeks back and I discovered that my lack of milk production was from hypothyroidism. The thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH) aids is lactation. Well, there you go. If your thyroid doesn't work then you probably won't make much milk. I wanted to share that with you because I know you have been dealing with some similar issues. See ya later.
By the way, I responded back about socialization. ;)
ReplyDeleteHa! That's so funny, Abby. I read all about that (hypothyroidism = low milk production) about a year ago, shortly after Jack was born, and I thought of you! LOL! I had my thyroid tested though, and it's perfectly normal, believe it or not. I had lots of tests done, and other than my weight, I'm perfectly healthy! (For now, at least....gotta get this excess weight off!!!) I was actually kind of hoping that was the problem so that I could fix it and produce more milk, but not so. :(
ReplyDeleteThanks for thinking of me!
Amen to that! I've been meaning to put a post on my own blog about it so that i can get on the quiverfull blogroll. I will eventually. I don't see your button. Are you not on it? If you tell them about this post, they'll put you on it.
ReplyDeleteWonderful post! :) Enjoyed it! :) Your story is similar to mine.
ReplyDelete